LFP’s Sevilla-Levante Debacle

Francisco de Goya, clearly anticipating April 13th, 2012, etched an etching. It was a terrifying etching. A sleeping man is devoured by a swarm of creatures of the night. The admonition reads: “El sueño de la razón produce monstruos.”

The world is full of wonders.

Earlier today it was announced that next Saturday’s (April 21) Sevilla-Levante match will have to be bumped back later than the already superlatively late time of 10pm (ending now at 12:30am). More keys than I care to push down have captured the ongoing idiocy of the LFP’s schedule-making division, which seems to be about as competent as the manatees writing Family Guy’s jokes but with one quarter of the work ethic. Releasing schedule times two weeks in advance complicates the entire process of Watching a Match of Football. Clubs organize travel last minute. Socios have their lives disorganized weekly. And on, yes, on.

The reason for this tiny little 30-minute pushback? The post-clásico presser, of course.

“Wait, they’re telling Sevilla-Levante that they have to wait until 10 fucking 30 to kickoff because of a post-match Q&A?”

They are. They are absolutely doing just that. Nevermind Mourinho’s recent no-show after the tie with Villarreal. Nevermind that there is actual football on the schedule for 10pm. Instead we get a half hour of two grown-ass children either being very polite or being terrible, disingenuous human beings. At this point, we haven’t mentioned TV Revenue Sharing, but I think you can guess where this road leads.

Around the world, those who hate reading Marca, Sport, Mundo Deportivo et al., have no choice as the soap opera comes to their living room. Dear Leaders will scowl, scoff and, naturally, either claim the match to have been completely fair or allude to conspiracies. This is the kind of nonsense that we want to watch. Please, can we get Guardiola and Mourinho in a hotdog eating contest next midweek?

“The dogs I was given were predetermined in order to choke and kill me.”

If it wasn’t already clear, this decision shows that we (the rest of La Liga) are mere jesters in the court. To properly understand the EE/LFP relationship, we have to first decide which one is the stripper and which one is the drunken patron shoving money into the g-string. This is difficult to discern. Could you ever imagine the LFP scheduling Barcelona or Real Madrid for three Monday matches in four weeks? Check out Sevilla’s recent schedule.

This isn’t about match scheduling as much as it is about the EE being the richest kids on the block with newer and better toys than anyone, whose parents give them obscene allowances every week with which they buy up the toys they don’t have from the rest. Oh, and they also happen to know the ice cream man, so they get free Bomb Pops every time he ding-a-lings down the cul-de-sac. Oh, and their parents decide, since their two families have way more interesting things to sell at the neighborhood garage sale than anyone else, that they’d also like to set the date amongst themselves regardless of the others’ plans. The neighborhood association director agrees with this and actively feeds their insufferable sense of superiority, which they seem to feel is inherent in them and not at all a product of an entire system of injustices.

Forgive me for that awkward-as-hell analogy, but I think we can all agree: “What awful neighbors.”

The sleep of reason produces monsters.